Answering The Difficult Questions
While these
questions can take parents by surprise planning in advance how and what to talk
to your children about when they ask about death can help you. It is critical
not to avoid or try to brush off the questions as that will only cause more
confusion and perhaps even fear if children pick up your discomfort on the
subject.
Stay Child Centered
It is very
important to discuss death and dying at the child’s level of understanding.
Taking in abstract terms or using common phrases about death to kids will only
cause confusion. You certainly can talk about spiritual or religious beliefs
about the death and dying with your children but keep them at an age
appropriate level.
Be careful
not to use terms like “sleeping” or “passed on” or “lost” but rather be compassionate
and honest. Children need a clear description that makes sense to them. Even
younger children can understand that a body can stop working when a person is
in an accident or is elderly. Often this type of honest, clear and simple
explanation is enough for a youngster.
Talk About Real World Examples
It is
important, especially with younger children, to stay to simple examples and not
to try to include too many concepts at one time. It is important for children
to understand that death is a normal part of life without stressing the
mortality of the child or of you as the parent. It is also important to
remember that younger children, especially those under the age of 10, may see
death as reversible.
Kids may ask
about a pet, family member or loved one’s death repeatedly. Be patient and
provide a consistent answer that provides the information the child is seeking.
Talking to a counselor or reading a book about death that is at an age
appropriate level can help a parent start the conversation and allow children
to ask the questions they may be worrying about.